4 Unexpected Things I Learnt From Yoga

4 Unexpected Things I Learnt From Yoga

I entered my first yoga class with great expectations. I was going to learn about peace of mind, good posture, inner strength and all that other imaginary stuff. Quite the contrary. Here’s what I really learnt during yoga.

1. You need a pedicure

…Or at least look after your feet. Between this stretch and that pose, I found myself constantly staring at my feet. So much for peace of mind; my dry heels and jagged nails were too much of a distraction for any of that. Plus my chipped nail polish wasn’t helping. To be fair, whatever brand it was is damn good, since I last painted my toes two months ago before a night out. I know this because my pinkie toe wasn’t painted. Y’know, the strap on my stilettos covered it so like, why bother painting it if no one is going to see it?

2. Shed your skin before you get in

Literally. The amount of tiny white flakes I saw fall during the down dog posture was equally concerning and impressive- was I really at the gym or was I at Thredbo? No one would know the difference. Except me, of course. And the bunch of unused exfoliators and moisturisers I’ve got sitting at home. But in all seriousness, exfoliating is not only important for your skin and mat hygiene, but also for your fellow yogis on carpeted floors. If you really want to keep your Winter Wonderland theme going, or if you’re just lazy like me, wear full length pants to keep snowfall flaking to a minimum.

3. Loud breathers are the spawn of Satan

A bit harsh? Not really. I can understand deep breaths for therapeutic reasons, but loud, orgasmic breaths are truly distracting and disturbing. I wonder if that’s what peace of mind sounds like? If so, I’ll have what she’s having. Until then, can we just agree to keep breathing in the form of plain air sans any vocal enhancement? Thanks.

4. It actually works

I’m yet to discover peace of mind, good posture or inner strength- I’m still convinced they don’t exist – but yoga really does make you feel great. So many people (including my past self) consider yoga a bunch of boring stretches and unnecessary meditation and breathing before they’ve even given it a chance. After a few classes, I’ve decided yoga is bloody great. You leave feeling light with relaxed muscles, loose limbs and a (sometimes false, in my case) sense of flexibility. Just make sure you take note of points 1-3 beforehand.

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